yi xuan 260890
hps gesps gess acjc
yixuan10@hotmail.com

4:43 PM New blogggg :):) A new start for me. I would probably put password for this personal blog. This is to protect people, and to protect myself too. There were so many feelings I had that I couldn't blog about in my blog. And I don't know where to write either. Writing it on a blog will probably hurt people, writing diary is just not for me. I guess this would do fine. :)

I've been having phobia of going online or even switching on my comp ever since that incident. seriously. -.- something's wrong with me. I'm so afraid to read her blog to read what she gotta write about me, or abt them. I'm so afraid to go facebook too. So nowadays I just force myself out till late night, then I can go home and just crash. I don't know how long can this last. Its probably a way of escaping from reality. But thats all I know what to do.

I always think what a person blog about reflects her character and her attitude. After reading her long post, the only thing that comes to my mind is her narrow-mindedness and how she judge everything I do. I read our chat logs over and over again. It was all natural and we were all having fun talking. I just don't see what went wrong. I dont know what is she thinking, I dont know whats he thinking either. He just doesn't trusts me at all!

Everyone tells me just forget about this incident and move on with life. But its really so hard when you see them everyday. Its like how much you want to explain yrself to him when you see him but you know it'll fall on deaf ears anyway. And, you don't even know what happened in the first place. Its clear that they like each other and probably are soon going to get together. But thats not the main point. He's not the old him anymore, although I still really care about him, but even if he comes back to me now, I don't even want to be with him again. Cus he has changed. Everything about him changed, I dont see any traces of the old him now. Nothing will be the same anymore.

Ok so he likes her she likes him, good for them. I felt it long long long ago. I asked her whether she liked him just to confirm bcus I was getting paranoid about whether they were restricting their actions or not talking to each other in sch bcus of me and so that I can really be sure and move on happily and know that probably something good will happen soon. I've told both of them about to go for who they love. Though I still felt abit affected about it, I really don't wanna be an obstruction. BLAHHHHHHHH, was I wrong?

That doesn't matter to me now. I just don't wanna be misunderstood by him, I wanna clear my own name. I want to know what exactly happened. Though he doesnt really care, its really impt to me. I don't want to be remembered as a mean person who goes around badmouthing people and lying. I don't want to be a person he regretted loving.

He fell during track meets ytd, my heart dropped when he fell. I was so afraid he'll injured his leg again. But as always, he's stronger than I think. Rachel told me to sms him to ask about him, I was thinking why should I when he's so mean to me and I think i probably over-reacted to it. He got her anyway. But I smsed him in the end. I told him to take care of his leg. Oh wells, I'm quite useless.

My friends might be wondering why isit so hard to me to just not care about him? He's just a normal guy, a guy who doesn't even care about me?

Reason is bcus, I've seen him at his best and at his worst. He was the most loving and caring bf anyone can get. But thats not the most impt point, cus all bfs are loving and caring to their gfs. Whats most impt is I've seen him lying on his bed after his leg operation. I've seen how a person who could run so fast on the field had such a hard time getting out of bed and moving around the house. I've seen how in pain he was after the op. I've seen how his headaches tortured him. And how he had to lay on the bed and not do anything. At that time I just continued to watch videos at his hse and didn't really do anything to console him bcus I was on the verge of crying cus I haven't seen him like this before and I didn't know what to say and I couldn't do anything to make him feel any better. After that I promised myself that no matter what happens in the future I'll wanna be there for him no matter what, in case he needs me. Even after we broke up I still want to keep that promise. Even after he's so mean to me I still can't bear to not care about him. But its really not about me still loving him alot and still wanting to get back with him. That was long long long over. Oh, was that what he thought? Thats why he was so angry with me. Blaa, I dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I feel so lost now.

This incident taught me alot alot. It really doesn't matter what the truth is, what matters is who you choose to trust. I don't feel angry at all. I just feel extremely extremely disappointed by him. And disgusted by her. Not like those sarcastic kind of disgusted. Its just how I'll lose my appetite or feel nauseous whenever I see her or whenever some thing reminds me of her. Oh wells, 6 more mths and I'll be done here. I'll be strong.

I just really hope time will tell the truth. Thats all I wished for and can hope for now. Finally, someday, miracle will happen and probably he'll understand, or probably I'll finally realise what I've done wrong. OKAYYYYYY WHAT A LONGG POST. :) Feel so good after releasing all my emotions now. hahah. Luckily I'm not a writing a diary or else my hand would've break. -.- haha. OFF TO SLACKK!

4:43 PM New blogggg :):) A new start for me. I would probably put password for this personal blog. This is to protect people, and to protect myself too. There were so many feelings I had that I couldn't blog about in my blog. And I don't know where to write either. Writing it on a blog will probably hurt people, writing diary is just not for me. I guess this would do fine. :)

I've been having phobia of going online or even switching on my comp ever since that incident. seriously. -.- something's wrong with me. I'm so afraid to read her blog to read what she gotta write about me, or abt them. I'm so afraid to go facebook too. So nowadays I just force myself out till late night, then I can go home and just crash. I don't know how long can this last. Its probably a way of escaping from reality. But thats all I know what to do.

I always think what a person blog about reflects her character and her attitude. After reading her long post, the only thing that comes to my mind is her narrow-mindedness and how she judge everything I do. I read our chat logs over and over again. It was all natural and we were all having fun talking. I just don't see what went wrong. I dont know what is she thinking, I dont know whats he thinking either. He just doesn't trusts me at all!

Everyone tells me just forget about this incident and move on with life. But its really so hard when you see them everyday. Its like how much you want to explain yrself to him when you see him but you know it'll fall on deaf ears anyway. And, you don't even know what happened in the first place. Its clear that they like each other and probably are soon going to get together. But thats not the main point. He's not the old him anymore, although I still really care about him, but even if he comes back to me now, I don't even want to be with him again. Cus he has changed. Everything about him changed, I dont see any traces of the old him now. Nothing will be the same anymore.

Ok so he likes her she likes him, good for them. I felt it long long long ago. I asked her whether she liked him just to confirm bcus I was getting paranoid about whether they were restricting their actions or not talking to each other in sch bcus of me and so that I can really be sure and move on happily and know that probably something good will happen soon. I've told both of them about to go for who they love. Though I still felt abit affected about it, I really don't wanna be an obstruction. BLAHHHHHHHH, was I wrong?

That doesn't matter to me now. I just don't wanna be misunderstood by him, I wanna clear my own name. I want to know what exactly happened. Though he doesnt really care, its really impt to me. I don't want to be remembered as a mean person who goes around badmouthing people and lying. I don't want to be a person he regretted loving.

He fell during track meets ytd, my heart dropped when he fell. I was so afraid he'll injured his leg again. But as always, he's stronger than I think. Rachel told me to sms him to ask about him, I was thinking why should I when he's so mean to me and I think i probably over-reacted to it. He got her anyway. But I smsed him in the end. I told him to take care of his leg. Oh wells, I'm quite useless.

My friends might be wondering why isit so hard to me to just not care about him? He's just a normal guy, a guy who doesn't even care about me?

Reason is bcus, I've seen him at his best and at his worst. He was the most loving and caring bf anyone can get. But thats not the most impt point, cus all bfs are loving and caring to their gfs. Whats most impt is I've seen him lying on his bed after his leg operation. I've seen how a person who could run so fast on the field had such a hard time getting out of bed and moving around the house. I've seen how in pain he was after the op. I've seen how his headaches tortured him. And how he had to lay on the bed and not do anything. At that time I just continued to watch videos at his hse and didn't really do anything to console him bcus I was on the verge of crying cus I haven't seen him like this before and I didn't know what to say and I couldn't do anything to make him feel any better. After that I promised myself that no matter what happens in the future I'll wanna be there for him no matter what, in case he needs me. Even after we broke up I still want to keep that promise. Even after he's so mean to me I still can't bear to not care about him. But its really not about me still loving him alot and still wanting to get back with him. That was long long long over. Oh, was that what he thought? Thats why he was so angry with me. Blaa, I dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, I feel so lost now.

This incident taught me alot alot. It really doesn't matter what the truth is, what matters is who you choose to trust. I don't feel angry at all. I just feel extremely extremely disappointed by him. And disgusted by her. Not like those sarcastic kind of disgusted. Its just how I'll lose my appetite or feel nauseous whenever I see her or whenever some thing reminds me of her. Oh wells, 6 more mths and I'll be done here. I'll be strong.

I just really hope time will tell the truth. Thats all I wished for and can hope for now. Finally, someday, miracle will happen and probably he'll understand, or probably I'll finally realise what I've done wrong. OKAYYYYYY WHAT A LONGG POST. :) Feel so good after releasing all my emotions now. hahah. Luckily I'm not a writing a diary or else my hand would've break. -.- haha. OFF TO SLACKK!